Thursday, August 13, 2015

On Life, Hope, Miscarriage and Other Things that I Don't Understand

There's a stigma about miscarriage that says we don't have to talk about it and keep it private but what actually happened is nothing less than losing a baby. You can't just say, "Ok lang yan, 2 months pa lang naman, dugo pa lang yan," because no matter what age or weeks of gestation,  it's still agony if you have to carry a baby in your heart, rather than in your arms. Seriously.

I just read that Mariel Padilla lost her triplets and suffered another miscarriage, and Robin Padilla has made a very emotional video sharing the news.  My heart goes out to Mariel and Robin. May God/ Allah heal them and help them get through this difficult hurdle in their lives.



 "I don't understand..."

It's quite surreal hearing those words. To be honest, I know the feeling of having that gut wrenching despair in not understanding. I remember that 3 months ago, I just kept repeating it in my mind too. Over and over again. I knew what was happening but what I didn't understand was how things could go so wrong after a perfect 8-week scan and a strong heartbeat. I didn't understand how the promise of a life could be broken. It broke me. It completely broke me.
Other than my hubby who was grieving with me, it was my daughter and those who had been open about their own miscarriages that I turned to for comfort, simply because I felt that they understand the complete and utter sadness, and the confusion. They mostly just listened and gave some words of encouragement. But something that healed me most came from a friend (and he's not even a close friend) who gave me a hug, a warm and tight one. No words spoken but I felt a lot better.

So if ever I'll see Mariel or anyone who goes through the same thing down the track, I'll lend an understanding ear and a hug. I won't say that I understand why it happens, because honestly, I don't.

I may not understand why these things happen but I have faith in God. Pain is real, but so is hope. I guess it made me realize that we don't always know what others are going through, and that we are better off showing kindness and empathy to not just one or two, but to everyone.

Still, there are some things that I don't understand but I believe that everything will get better and my mind will become clearer, so that sooner or later, I can truly understand everything with an open mind.

If you have any insights,comments and stories to share about miscarriage, do leave a comment below. I’d love to hear your story, and it might be able to help others heal too.


 

12 comments:

  1. I went through the same situation twice some years back and remembering it, it was really a painful experience. Nevertheless, healing process took place with the help of family and friends. For some it may take a while and for some the pain lingers on. What's more important is to always pray and hope for the best. God always has a good purpose for each one of us why things like this happened. I am now a fulfilled mom of a 7yr old boy.

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    1. I agree. It gets better, eventually... :) God is good.

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  2. A friend of ours just lost her baby too and she was already at the beginning of her second trimester. She and her husband lives overseas and when she shared the news over our group chat, all we could do is send her a cyber hug, wishing that we can give her a bit of our strength in this difficult time. No other words were sent apart from "tight hug". What else is there to say? How do you offer words when you have that lingering questions - why and how? We are hoping that they will have their own bundle of joy in time...

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  3. Naiyak ako nong mabasa ko yung post about dito,Bilang nanay masakit mangyari ang ganyan.Nakakalungkot.Nangyari na sa akin to once,Nagyon may dalawa na akong anak,Healthy,Masakit pa rin until now yung nangyaring yun.Maybe di talaga sya for me.ganon din siguro kina Robin and Mariel. =(

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  4. Here's another warm and tight hug. You are blessed. Always remember that.

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  5. I have waited for four years for my baby to come. I didn't have miscarriage. I think my myoma was the reason that it took a long time for me to conceive. Now my daughter was already four years old.
    It's hard to lose someone that you wanted so much and waited for so long. It's also hard to lose someone whom you love. So please, allow me to say that you must show the people that you love how much they are worth to you when you still can, when you still have the time.

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Any comments, my dear?