On Life, Hope, Miscarriage and Other Things that I Don't Understand

There's a stigma about miscarriage that says we don't have to talk about it and keep it private but what actually happened is nothing less than losing a baby. You can't just say, "Ok lang yan, 2 months pa lang naman, dugo pa lang yan," because no matter what age or weeks of gestation,  it's still agony if you have to carry a baby in your heart, rather than in your arms. Seriously.

I just read that Mariel Padilla lost her triplets and suffered another miscarriage, and Robin Padilla has made a very emotional video sharing the news.  My heart goes out to Mariel and Robin. May God/ Allah heal them and help them get through this difficult hurdle in their lives.

 "I don't understand..."

It's quite surreal hearing those words. To be honest, I know the feeling of having that gut wrenching despair in not understanding. I remember that 3 months ago, I just kept repeating it in my mind too. Over and over again. I knew what was happening but what I didn't understand was how things could go so wrong after a perfect 8-week scan and a strong heartbeat. I didn't understand how the promise of a life could be broken. It broke me. It completely broke me.
Other than my hubby who was grieving with me, it was my daughter and those who had been open about their own miscarriages that I turned to for comfort, simply because I felt that they understand the complete and utter sadness, and the confusion. They mostly just listened and gave some words of encouragement. But something that healed me most came from a friend (and he's not even a close friend) who gave me a hug, a warm and tight one. No words spoken but I felt a lot better.

So if ever I'll see Mariel or anyone who goes through the same thing down the track, I'll lend an understanding ear and a hug. I won't say that I understand why it happens, because honestly, I don't.

I may not understand why these things happen but I have faith in God. Pain is real, but so is hope. I guess it made me realize that we don't always know what others are going through, and that we are better off showing kindness and empathy to not just one or two, but to everyone.

Still, there are some things that I don't understand but I believe that everything will get better and my mind will become clearer, so that sooner or later, I can truly understand everything with an open mind.

If you have any insights,comments and stories to share about miscarriage, do leave a comment below. I’d love to hear your story, and it might be able to help others heal too.